|This chap really should be wearing some safety gear…|
It is a feeling that sinks claws into the back of my skull and wrenches my neck. My shoulders hunch up, my jaw tightens, a headache builds behind my eyes.
“Oh God, oh God, oh God, oh God, oh God,” I think, my mind spinning in the white noise of panic. “Have I ever before felt this way? Have I ever been so out of control?”
Once. When I was a younger man. I fell crazily, terribly in love with a girl. I wanted to give her the whole of me, make my world hers. I was willing to throw away everything for the joy of waking up to her each morning. She said no and broke my heart. It took years for me to get over and sometimes I feel parts of me are still broken.
All the anxiety and need I felt toward her, I now feel doubly about motorcycling. But this, I know, is something that will not reject me. I simply need to reach out, to embrace it. And it will respond by giving me freedom, possibly even healing my old wounds. Restoring me, making me new.
Without it, I am going through hell. I don’t know how much longer I can survive.